Body armor

 

June 16, 1982

 

Who is she really?

 Can she be defined?

The more I talk with her, the more dents I find in the armor I’ve built around her.

This is my fault – being so self-absorbed as to believe every body thinks the way I do – when they don’t.

I always though I had her pegged, and assumed I could manipulate her, by obtaining a reaction. if I do this, she will do that. A cause and effect that never worked out the way I calculated – and no matter how I went back over the issue in my head, I could never figure out why not.

So ultimately, I never learned from my mistake, assuming the basic premise was right and that I screwed it up somehow.

I always under estimated her, mistaking her for ignorant while puffing myself own intellectual ego up, taking year to realize I wasn’t even in her league.

Now after all this time, I come to realize, I don’t know her at all, and perhaps maybe never will, while she knew me from the first day she laid eyes on me, and had me pegged all along for – well, maybe not a total fool. But close.