Unscathed?

 

Sunday, October 06, 2013

 

Some things take time to get used to.

Like not being eyeball to eyeball with someone for more than a year, you wonder what will happen when you do.

I’ve spent more than a year and a half not going places, launch parties, good bye parties, campaign fundraisers, even public speaking events to not meet up even by accident, and so, this time when I got invited to go by someone I like and respect, I went, despite the complications that it might have created, not just in the public arena, but in me.

Sometimes, it hurts too much to meet up with someone. That was the way it was for a few years with my ex-wife. Each time I saw her again when trying to see my kid, I felt bruised inside, not so much as wounded, but lost. Feelings never die, they only fade over time, and since I cared about my ex-wife as much as anybody ever in my life, each time I saw her during the few years after our breakup, I felt the loss again. But each time, the pain of it was a little less.

Then, after a gap, time when there was no contact, she went to the West Coast with my kid, and did not come back for several years, things healed, and got better, and so when I met her again, we became friends.

It’s not like that this time, of course.

This space only allowed me to gather strength and to endure, and be able to occupy the same general location, without feeling like a fool.

It’s not something I will likely do again any time soon. One does not defy fate frequently and expect to come away unscathed.

If there ever is a next time, I’ll need a clear invitation or I won’t go.