The Rights of Being Rich



 First of all I want to say I'm an upright and proud citizen of this city. While that may not seem important to most people in these decadent times, I value law and order, and respect the need for a strong government and moral society. This is one reason for my coming here today. Despite what some may say, it is not because I am losing money.

 Of course, I might have deserved these traffic tickets in other circumstances. But I am not your average street hoodlum and it disturbs me to have to defend myself like this.

 Yes, I was travelling twenty five miles faster than the posted speed. But I'll have you note, your honor, this is not an uncommon practice along that particular stretch of road-- and with the way the city allows common riff-raff to clutter up the center of town, well, on has to speed where one can to be assured of even reasonably making an appointment on time.

 I don't know what it is about downtown which attracts such people. If the city planners forced five and dimes and other cheap clothing stores to locate in neighborhoods wheree these [people lived, we wouldn't have to put up with buses and delapodated cars, and traffic patterns would not require people such as myself to speed.

 It is largely for this reason I received my second summons. But do I need to point out the hazzards someone like me must face while waiting for red lights to change green? And it isn't as if I was being reckless. I very carefully noted no one had moved yet when I plunged through that intercection. Besides, if I had accidentally hit some poor and unfortunate soul, at least I am adequately insured. This is more than can be said for half the drunken negros and hispanics who ride unmolested by the police through those very lights regularly.

 As for parking in a handicap zone, which the city and state have insisted on putting squarely in front of the more important downtown buildings, I have long objected to issuing special privileges to such people. I own a building. Therefore, I should be able to park whereever I like. But in most cases, the reserved space is often at the most convenient location, and as if to add insult to injury, vacant nine-tenths of the time.

 And while there may be a few legitimate cases, most of those who have such plates on their cars are fakers-- who just happened to have enough political clout to get such plates. And those who aren't faking, are so full of self-pity as to be deplorable. Whyu can't they hobble an extra step or two? Better yet, why can't they set up their business selling pensils elsewhere, where legitmate tax paying people like myself don't have to trip over them?

 I know none of this explains why I tried to stop the officer from ticketing me. I doubt whether I would be here at all if I had kept my temper. But three tickets in one day seemed a bit unjust. I'm sure the officer would have been better inclined to take my money if I had offered it with less hostility. After all, I was simply engaging in what is now a common practice-- though maybe the officer preferred such payments coming from pimps and drug dealers.

 But it is more than just these tickets, your honor. It is about a way of life. What good does it do me being rich if I have to follow the same rules as everybody else? Why should I pay high taxes when I don't get anything extra for them?


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