The Jesus Police


We were shocked a few years ago when people told us we couldn’t put up a Christmas crush on the lawn of city hall, or any other religious symbol on any public building.

They called it “a separation of church and state.”

Let me get this straight, I said, you have fornicators, thieves and liars in office, but can’t put up anything religious on the buildings in which they do their dirty deeds?

How could we have a bunch of sinners setting the rules by which we lived our lives? How can a crooked lawyer or a dishonest judge be allowed to set the moral standard for our country and exclude us who have cleansed ourselves of sin?

I think the government doesn’t want our symbols around we would show just how immoral they all are, and would bring down the Wrath of God upon them.

So we went home and prayed, knowing that we had the power of God behind us and that if we prayed long enough and hard enough, Jesus would inspire us.

God told us to go make money so that we could influence others to change things to make them moral again.

We did not try to change the world all at once. We started small. We clothed ourselves in the guise of the sinful and though it is a sin to tell a lie we believed we acted on a higher calling and elected our brethren to city councils and school boards where we might be able to breathe true life into the body and soul of the sinful population. We passed laws requiring more moral business practices. We brought radio and TV stations and broadcast our message to the heathen public, gradually changing their views.

With each step, we carefully removed those who we believed encouraged the wrong kind of thinking, finding excuses to rid schools of the wrong teachers, TV of the wrong shows, main streets of the wrong kind of business.

When finally we got to move into higher office where we could change the laws to our liking, we found sin even more pervasive than we imagined while on the outside.

People began to take notice of us. Some politicians, police even other clergy tried to stop us, calling us a plague or a dangerous trend, and labeled us as intolerant, but we didn’t care.

Once we got the right kind of laws in place, the right judges on the courts, the right people in government office, we could punish those sinners as they ought to be.

God had given us a mandate to end sin in this world, and with a righteous hand we began to sweep aside all those who opposed us.

We treated abortionist as murderers, putting them in jail or to death for crimes committed against the unborn innocent. We removed judges who refused to cooperate with us, banishing any who refused to sentence criminals the way we thought criminals ought to be punished. We didn’t want merciful judges; we wanted judges who were as wrathful as our God.

Once we rid the government of such sinners, we turned to society, and there we nearly despaired.

By comparison, cleansing government seemed a simple task. But how do you deal with a public who rants on and on about having “rights” that were opposite those of the laws of God?

Yet our all powerful God again inspired us. Since we controlled the White House, legislator and courts, as well as most of the state governments, we could create the laws we wanted, forcing the public to abide by God’s will.

Oh, people protested. When our judges refused to give them relief, they took the street, forcing our police to arrest them and sentence them to jail – a nearly overwhelming task that cost millions, but what is money when performing The Lord’s Work?

Over time, we rooted out the ring leaders of opposition, jailing gays, Jews, communists, blacks, Moslem, Hindus, false Christians, atheists and others, letting their ill-actions serve as evidence against them.

We offered them justice. If they promised to live their lives as Christian and uphold the faith, they would have a place in our society. If not, they had to die since we could not afford the upkeep of keeping them in jails.

Of course, those who converted from their sinful ways would have to earn their way back into God’s good graces by performing all of those menial tasks we cared not to do for ourselves. We promised them that they would work hard on earth – some called it slavery – but would see their eternal reward in Heaven when Jesus Christ returned to judge us all.

It did not end there.

We knew some sinners could not be trusted. Many are liars and thieves and would not think twice about claiming they had converted, but continuing their sins in secret.

So we had to keep watch over everyone, looking for those clues that would give them always and allow us to pluck them out from the faithful as we might chaff from wheat.

Many we have caught already. Some more clever devils continue to hide – but we are ever vigilant and will find them eventually.

They cannot hide from us or God forever.


monologue menu

Main Menu

email to Al Sullivan