Faking it (the script)





Scene: Kennyís family home Ė the hallway desk and telephone


UNCLE ED: (Yelling up the stairs) Kenny! Phone!


KENNY: (shouting back) Who is it?


UNCLE ED: Itís that fucking beatnik friend of yours


KENNY: (Coming down the stairs) Heís not a beatnik; heís a hippie


UNCLE ED: I donít care what you call him. I donít want him dying up the phone. Iím expecting a call.


KENNY: I wonít be long, I promise (goes to the phone and picks up the receiver) Hello?


HANK:  Kenny, Iíve done it!


KENNY: Done what, Hank?


HANK: I found us a real hippie party to go to.


KENNY:  Where?


HANK: In the want ad section of the Village Voice. It was right there in black and white.


KENNY: I mean where is the party?


HANK: In Greenwich Village, of course.


KENNY: (lowering his voice) You mean in New York?


HANK: Thatís the only Greenwich Village I know about.


KENNY: I canít go into New York on a Sunday. My uncles would kill me.


HANK: You donít have to tell them exactly where youíre going, do you?


KENNY: And have them murder me when they find out.


HANK: Who said theyíll find out? All you have to do is be back by ten.


KENNY: Nine on weekdays or any other day if I have to go to school the next morning.


HANK: All right. Weíll have you back by nine


KENNY: You promise?


HANK: Have I ever let you down?

KENNY: Constantly.


HANK: Just meet me at the bus stop and stop arguing


UNCLE ED: (shouting from the other room where he is watching TV) Get off the phone


KENNY (to Hank) Got to go (he hangs up)


UNCLE ED: So what did that juvenile delinquent want this time?


KENNY: He wants me to meet him downtown


UNCLE ED:  And youíre going? Despite what Iíve said about you hanging around with his sort?


KENNY: Hank is all right. He really isnít a hippie yet. He just wants to be one


UNCLE ED: So why canít you find friends who join the U.S. Marines? You have plenty of that sort to choose from at school.


KENNY: Those kind donít want to be my friend any more than I want to be theirs. And those that I even remotely like spend their time tinkering with projectors in the AV department and have no time to do anything thatís fun.


UNCLE ED: All right. I see that youíve made up your mind. Go downtown and meet your weirdo friend. But youíd better be back by nine or Iíll ground you for a month.



SCENE TWO: Kenny and Hank riding the bus to New York


HANK: (staring out the window through the trees at the cloudy sky, singing a Simon and Garfunkel song) Cloudy. My thoughts areÖ.


MALE PASSENGER: (Looking from across the aisle where he is trying to read The Wall Street Journal) Could you two stop making noise?


HANK: (ignoring him) CloudyÖ


PASSENGER: (yelling towards the front of the bus driver.) Could you make these two radicals stop making a ruckus back here?


DRIVER: You, too! Cut the noise or I dump you out.


KENNY: But weíre not in New York yet.


DRIVER: Exactly. This ainít no folk festival. And we donít need to hear you two whining on about the war.


HANK: I was singing about clouds, not the war.


DRIVER: I donít care if your singing about gold fish, shut it or get out


HANK: Fascist!


KENNY: Donít push him, Hank. (Kenny looks out the window.) I donít know exactly where we are but it doesnít look healthy out there and I donít know how we would get back to Paterson if he dumps us out.


HANK:  All right, Iíll leave the bastard alone (But he continues to hum as the bus winds down the ramp towards the Lincoln Tunnel and through to the buildings on the other side)



SCENE THREE:  Kenny and Hank standing in Times Square


KENNY: (looking around at all the confusion) Where now?


HANK: Downtown.


KENNY: Please, Hank, not another bus.


HANK: Of course now. From here we have to take the subway (starts singing Joni Mitchellís Cloud song) I look at clouds from both sides now.


KENNY: Maybe you shouldnít sing, Hank. People are looking at us funny.


HANK: Let them look


KENNY: But they think weíre high


HANK: We are high. On life. Weíre going to a real hip party in The Village. Arenít you excited?


KENNY: Nervous is more like it. I donít know how to act at a regular high school party let alone one where everybody is hip


HANK: Just act naturally. Be yourself. Thatís what life is all about.



SCENE FOUR: Hank and Kenny at the subway platform.


KENNY: (walks towards the turnstiles. HANK grabs his arm).


HANK: You have to buy a token before you can go through the turnstiles to the train.


KENNY: Whatís a token?


HANK: One of these. (He holds up a small gold coin about the size of a dime in which a y is cut at the center)


KENNY: Where do I get one?


HANK: Over there at the book. It costs fifteen cents. But you might just as well buy two since weíll have to come back this way later


KENNY (goes through with the purchase) Now what?


HANK: To the platform. (Hank starts singing about clouds again. His voice echoes through the chamber, but is soon drowned out by the road of the approaching train.


KENNY: My God! Itís so loud!


HANK:  What?


KENNY: (shouting ) Itís loud! (Covers his ears until the train stops)


HANK: Come on. Donít stand there (He goes through the open doors and takes a seat) Just donít stand there. We canít afford to wait for another train if you have to be back by nine.



SCENE FIVE: They exit onto Waverly Place



KENNY: (sniffing at the air when they reach the top of the subway stairs at street level) Something smells sweet


HANK: (laughing) Donít breathe too deep. I donít think youíre uncles would approve


KENNY: For breathing air?


HANK: You might get high.


KENNY: High?


HANK:  Thatís pot you smell.


KENNY: People smoke marijuana on the street


HANK: People pretty much do whatever they like here. This is Greenwich Village


KENNY: Donít the police stop them?


HANK:  They try sometimes. But mostly they donít care. I guess they figure theyíd rather have a bunch of high hippies down here and than a collection of radicals plotting revolution. People here even make lover in the park if itís dark enough. (He starts to sing about clouds again, loudly. Some people along the street applaud.) Weíd better go find the apartment.


KENNY:  You donít know where it is?


HANK: I have an address. But Iíve never heard of the street. But Greenwich Village isnít all that big. So it shouldnít be too hard to find.


KENNY: (looking around) Yes, it does look smaller than I thought it would.


HANK: I never imagined it looking any other way than the way it does. Every time I listened to folk singers like Bob Dylan or Peter, Paul and Marry, this is what I saw in my head.


KENNY: You have a better imagination than I have. Maybe you should become a writer


HANK: Iím going to be a singer


KENNY: Youíre already a singer. Thatís all you seem to do


HANK: I mean for a living Ė like Simon and Garfunkel.


KENNY: Thatís pretty ambitious. Iíll probably grow up to be just like my uncles with my nose stuck in an outboard motor all the time.


HANK: You donít have to end up that way, if you donít want.


KENNY: I canít think of anything else that I really want to do.


HANK: Hang around this place long enough something will occur to you.


KENNY: (after they have wandered the streets for a while and come upon a street sing that shows West 4th Street interconnecting with West 10th Street) Are you sure you know where weíre going?


HANK (squinting up at the sign) I thought I did.


 KENNY: Maybe we should ask someone for directions?


HANK: And look like hicks from the suburbs Ė no way.


KENNY:† But we are hicks from the suburbs


HANK: We donít have to let on. If we act cool, then people wonít know where weíre from.


KENNY: You mean to say you would rather wander around this place forever than to chance looking un-hip?


HANK: Of course. (starts sing Simon and Garfunkelís Faking it)


KENNY: Thatís nuts (but follows along behind Hank anyway)


HANK (after a long time wandering around) Here it is. I told you I would find it.


KENNY: Yeah, and we wasted time. My feet hurt. Iím tired. I almost wish I could go home now.


HANK: Well, you canít. Just try and seem a little bit cool and donít let on weíre from New Jersey.


KENNY: Just ring the bell and get this over with. I might hate home, but at least I donít have to be anything Iím not.


HANK: ( rings the bell) Donít cop an attitude, Kenny. Itís a bummer


WOMAN: (dressed in an evening gown opens the door) †Hellooooo


KENNY: Holy shit!


HANK: Is this the party


WOMAN: It certainly is. Come right in. Weíve been expecting you. (then to someone inside) Hey, everybody, we got some to come


KENNY: Hank, I donít think this is such a good idea


HANK: Can it, Kenny. They think weíre the real thing.


KENNY: But we arenít and Iím too tired to put on an act


HANK: Then just let me do the talking.


KENNY: (glancing into the townhouse where other people in tuxedos and gowns are standing holding wine glasses and smoking cigarettes) Iím not going in there.


HANK: Donít be such a drag.


KENNY: But theyíll catch on.


HANK: Their kind never do. And this is why theyíre having the party so they can meet people like us.


KENNY: You mean like the others (waves his hand vaguely towards the street) out there.


HANK: Theyíre like us, Kenny. Most of them came from other places, if not New Jersey, then places just like New Jersey.


KENNY: You mean weíre all faking it?


HANK:† Exactly.


KENNY: Thatís even nuttier than I thought.


HANK: Give me five minutes, and then weíll go.


KENNY: You can have all the time you want. Iím going back to the park we passed. Iíll wait for you there. If you take too long, then Iím sure I can find my way back to the bus.


HANK: †(sighs) All right, Iíll come with you. This wouldnít be any fun without you.


KENNY: (turning away from the door) Which way? Iím all turned around here Ė although it all looks vaguely familiar.


HANK: It should look familiar. Thatís the subway we came up at.


KENNY: You mean we wandered around to get here for hours when we started out a half block from where we were going?


HANK: We must have turned the wrong way.


KENNY: We seem to be doing a lot of that.


HANK: Life is full of wrong turns, Kenny, but sometimes they lead to things that are more interesting than where we were going in the first place.


KENNY: Now youíre a philosopher as well as a singer


HANK: (grinning) Just like Bob Dylan.


KENNY: Well, maybe you can be another Dylan or Simon & Garfunkel, or even another Plato. But Iím stuck with who I am Ė the grandson of a boat builder who will grow up to be a boat builder just like my uncles.


HANK: †Things donít have to turn out that way


KENNY: Iím not like you. I canít do anything else.


HANK: Thatís because you havenít tried anything yet. Nobody knows what they can do until they try.


KENNY: Hey, I hear singing


HANK: Itís coming from Washington Square Park. Letís go. Maybe you can join in.


KENNY: Sure, thatís just what they need. A frog in their choir. Slow up, Hank, and donít forget I have to be home by nineÖ


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