Jurassic Pond (or Puddle)

Sam Snoop, Private Eye: Episode #2

(This is the full script for one of my Sam Snoop videos)




SCENE ONE: A worker wearing a hard hat with the logo for a Southern New Jersey Animal Sanctuary gets torn to pieces when feeding an animal Ė the creature reflected in his sun glasses looks remarkably like a dinosaur


SCDENE TWO: In Sam Snoopís New York City office


SNOOP: (voice over) When Mary called, I couldnít believe it. We hadnít talked much since our breakup too many years earlier for me to keep account of. Sometimes, I caught her in the background on TV when her famous scientist boss gave a press conference from the South Jersey nature reserve she had taken a job at.

††††††††††† We broke up because Mary loved animals more than people Ė and though she had called me an animal from time to time, she treated me like a people.


MARY: (on the other end of the telephone)† Sam, I know this is asking a lot after all this time, but I need your help


SNOOP: I would make some snide remark, but it would only come out sounding stupid. Whatís the problem?


MARY: I canít go into it over the phone. Youíll have to trust me. Itís that important.


SNOOP: Can you give me a clue? Is it animal, vegetable or mineral? Perhaps if we played 20 questions?


MARY: Youíll only believe it when you see it.


SNOOP (voice over) at that point, she gave me driving instructions as to how to get to the institute and pleaded with me to hurry.



SCENE THREE: (Arrival Cape May)


SNOOP: (voice over): The institute was located in a remote wetlands that reminded me of why I hated Jersey where the state bird was the mosquito. And the suspicious doctor an instant dislike to me when he greeted me.


DOCTOR:† So youíre the notorious Sam Snoop.


SNOOP: Notorious would be putting a spin on in. But I suppose Mary had some ill feelings after our breakup.


DOCTOR: This is odd youíre showing up here just now.


MARY: I invited Sam. He took always took an interest in my work.


DOCTOR: Which means he would like a tour to see what we do here, I suppose?


SNOOP: A tour would be grant though what I need is a drink.


DOCTOR: The tour is all I can offer, Iím afraid.


SNOOP: You seem nervous, doctor. Is there a problem.


DOCTOR: No problem, Mister Snoop. Why donít you come this way.



SCENE FOUR: (wandering the sanctuaryís remote paths)


SNOOP: (Voice over) The doctor took us into his world.


DOCTOR: †As you can see, Mr. Snoop, we have some of the worldís most exotic species here. This is a safe zone, free from pollution and human hunters. The animals here get to live out their lives as nature intended.


SNOOP: Thatís very noble, Doctor. So I suppose this means I shouldnít be looking for any turkey burgers in the cafeteria?


DOCTOR: We eat no meat here.


SNOOP: Some of these birds walk like Japanese movie dinosaurs.


DOCTOR: That is very observant of you. We believe the birds had a lot to do with dinosaurs. Let me show you something.


SNOOP: (voice over) †Thatís when he took us to where the bones were


DOCTOR: When you see the bones laid out like this, wouldnít you agree those ancient dinosaurs bear an uncanny resemblance to our modern birds.


SNOOP: Sure, only I wouldnít want to dry and kill one of these with a sling shot like I did as a kid.


DOCTOR (looking sharply at Snoop) You killed birds?


SNOOP: I grew up on a farm. Kids my age killed anything that moved.


DOCTOR: How typically human. I supposed you graduated to pulling wings off of butterflies?


SNOOP: Doctor, I can see youíre upset with me.


DOCTOR: On the contrary, I would expect no better from an unenlightened human kind.


SNOOP: Iíve been through this argument with Mary many times. I agree Iím human. But I havenít killed anything since that didnít deserve to die.


DOCTOR: But you eat meat.


SNOOP: Some things have to die in order that other things might live. Itís call survival of the fittest.


DOCTOR: At last, we agree on something.


SNOOP: Iím not sure I get you, Doc?


DOCTOR: What if we could go back in time and start all over. The extinction of the Dinosaurs was an accident. An asteroid striking the earth changed the natural process of evolution. Otherwise, they would still rule the earth. Mankind was never meant to inherit this world and would not have except for that accident.


SNOOP: †(laughing) Yeah, and if I had kept all my baseball cards from when I was a kid, Iíd be a rich man today. Letís fact it, Doctor. The past is the past. Call it accident or mistake, but weíre here now, top dog in a savage world.


DOCTOR: But what †if someone could correct the mistake Ė bring back the dinosaurs?


SNOOP: What for? So that Steven Spielberg wonít need to use special effects when he makes Jurassic Park 10. Be realistic, Doctor. This isnít a Spielberg thriller. You canít clone dinosaurs.


DOCTOR: I have done just that, Mr. Snoop. And the process is well under way. Ask Mary. She had a hand in it.


MARY: †Itís true, Sam Ė though I had no idea what he intended to do when we started the project.


SNOOP: What exactly do you intend to do, Doctor?


DOCTOR: To breed them, then let them loose to see which species Ė man or dinosaur Ė is the fittest to survive.


SNOOP: Is that why you brought me here, Mary?


MARY: I was hoping you could stop him, Sam. I couldnít just go to the police. They would say I was crazy. The doctor has ruined other people who tried. Some he even had killed.


DOCTOR: Fear not, Mary. I wonít have to kill you (he pulls out a gun ) unless I have to. You actually did me a favor by bringing the good detective here. I can test my theory better with him as to which is the most fit species to survive.


MARY: Werenít the other deaths enough?


SNOOP: Other deaths?


MARY:† some workers. He let them loose in the compound and the animals tore them limb from limb.


DOCTOR: They were poor examples of mankind. Here we have a prime example, a former spy, a man with instincts to survive. He will be a more legitimate test (The Doctor Ė still holding the gun on Snoop Ė backs towards the vehicle in which they came.) good by, Mary, and good hunting, Mr. Snoop.


MARY: Youíre going to leave us here?


DOCTOR: That was the general idea.


MARY: I admit we canít survive.


DOCTOR: Mr. Snoop does not seem so convinced.


SNOOP: Iím convinced youíre nuts. Why donít you give me the gun so we can take you to someone who can help you.


DOCTOR: (waves the gun) Donít or Iíll shoot.


SNOOP: Arenít you afraid you might hit an innocent animal by accident?


DOCTOR: A comedian to the end. Good bye. (The doctor drives off)


MARY: Now what do we do?


SNOOP: There must be a way out of this place


MARY: He has electrified fences everywhere. Right to the beach.


SNOOP: Beach?


MARY: The dinosaurs canít swim in the deep water where the fences end.


SNOOP: Come on, then (He grabs her arm) Letís hope you remember how to swim.



SCENES:† (a sequence of monster scene filled with awed faces, screams of fear, ďSam save me,Ē chases through the jungle, quick witted leaps into narrow spaces where the monsters canít fit, monster fights among themselves that allow Snoop and Mary to reach the sea alive if not unscathed.


MARY: (breathless) Now what, Sam?


SNOOP: (glancing towards the wetlands out of which they have just emerged) Swim and letís hope the good doctor hasnít decided to make a remake of Spielbergís Jaws, too.


SCENE: (The two swim out, helping each other until they get around the fence, then work their way back to a section of beach on the safe side of the fence. Then, after a long staggering walk, they see the beginning of civilization, a beach-side restaurant into which Snoop boldly walks, his ragged appearance startling the posh patrons. He walks to the manager.


SNOOP: Sorry to intrude without a reservation.† Can we use your phone?


††††††††††† (voice over) First mosquitoes, now dinosaurs. Can you blame me for hating Jersey?


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