Take him or else

 

Listen, Hank.

If you donít come over here right now and take him, youíll find him dead in the morning.

I swear.

I know heís your room mate not your child. But heís spent a lot more time drunk on my couch than living with you.

Yes, thatís right. Thatís where heís been.

God knows why I let him live as long as I have after what he said.

I think Iíve been more than fair taking him in over the last two weeks. Heís been here since Christmas when I felt kind by letting him sleep it off here.

You do remember I asked you to take him with you and when you left without him, I figured he was too drunk to let him drive home on his own.

Now he wonít leave. And he wonít sober up. And letís face it I didnít move into this dump to have him living here, too.

I wanted private time with Jane and Iím not getting any. Do you get my drift?

No, he hasnít been here 24 hours a day. I throw him out in the morning when I leave for work and find him drunker than before on my door step when I get back. Iíd leave him on the stoop if the neighbors wouldnít talk.

I would have called the police except Jane wonít let me. She seems to think this is all my fault.

I nearly took her head off demanding to know how Iím to blame for his being drunk.

But sheís so kind she insisted on taking him in and talking to him. She tried to explain how it wasnít nice for him to show up on our door step in the condition he was in.

I must be thick. I thought he being my friend had come to bother me. After a while, after Jane had cooed over his drunken body long enough I realized he had the hots for her.

He even told her he loved her.

At that point I promised to kill him, but he passed out on me.

So if you donít want to find your friend floating in the river, youíd better come and get him right now. Before he wakes up and I get charged with murdering him.

Do you hear me, Hank?

 

 

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