Letís bring back slavery.

 

Iím sick of people running down America.

All that hippie crap makes it hard for a man to breathe.

Leave it to them and they would pass laws making it illegal to do anything at all.

For almost 40 years someoneís been telling me Iím not good enough, moral enough or that Iím just down right mean.

But I guess the last straw was people losing their jobs on account of a Goddamn owl.

Sure, Iíll admit we might be cutting down a few too many trees.

Iíve even gotten used to having two bins for trash because some people say I ought to recycle.

Yet when a man canít earn a living because an owl needs space the size the state of Washington to mate in, thatís where I draw the line.

Nature nuts want everything to be just like it was when the world began, and would have us crawling into the oceans rather than out of it the way we did.

Next thing you know, weíll have to issue an environmental impact statement just to blow our nose.

Or register where we put our ass to shit just like we have to register our guns.

I figure if they love nature all so much, maybe we should find some woods somewhere, stick them all in its naked with sticks and stones and see how well they get on in their perfect world.

For Christís sake. Even the Indians Ė those nature nuts talk about all the time Ė shot game and chopped down trees.

That, of course, reminds me of another sore point with those folks.

Not a week goes by when one of them isnít blaming white people for killing off the Indians. Theyíve even harped on Columbus so bad, Iím sure heís sorry he bothered crossing the ocean to discover this stinking place.

But to listen to the hippie types, the Indians were happy little folk prancing peacefully through the woods instead of savages who cut each otherís throats and raped each otherís women.

We whites didnít do to the Indian what the Indian wasnít doing to other Indians, we just did it better.

And when those hippies arenít harping on what we did to the Indians, theyíre blaming us for what we did to black people.

Sure some white people treated black people bad. But it was white people who also helped set them free.

If you listen to the hippies, nobody did nothing, and it happened all by itself.

Now we get blamed for them not having jobs, drug addiction, being too fat or skinny, living in rotten homes and all that. Things are so bad in some places, you figure they might have been better off if theyíd stayed on the plantations.

If some politician was brave enough, maybe we could bring back slavery and give those people jobs again.

Heck, we could have them fix our roads and bridges, and do all those other jobs nobody wants to do any more so we send the jobs over seas

We would save taxpayers billions because we wouldnít have to hired crooked contractors all the time.

Maybe we could have them shoot all the owls so we wouldnít have to worry about how many trees we cut down.

It sounds about right to me.

But Iím sure some hippie jerk will find some flaw in it.

They always do.

 


monologue menu

Main Menu


email to Al Sullivan