A passionate plea


            I tell you

            I was a sinner once

            But I came to my right mind and now Iíve taken the Lordís road.

            And as hard as it is for you to believe it of me as your minister, I once wanted a man.

            From the moment I saw him in the front pew of my church, I knew I had to have him.

            Never before or since had I felt such an urge as at that moment, though even when a boy I knew I was different from other boys in some way.

            Maybe the Lord hadnít truly tested me until that moment with that man, or life hadnít provided me with opportunity since I had gone from religious school to religious school where such things may happen but not openly.

            And I tell you truly, I was shamed of my feelings.

            I feared what you my congregation would say and do if you found out about my desire.

            But the Lord does not test us beyond our ability and I knew that somehow I would have to deal with my desire.

            I prayed hard and threw myself into my ministry.

            I believed then as I do now that this small town of ours provides amble support with its community values.

            And I believe that the community still saw me as upstanding.

            Yet being a small town, I found it impossible to completely avoid the man whose presence stirred up such great passion in me.

            Indeed, my church was center of the social community so it was only nature for him to seek it out.

            He came often, and each time he came I went out of my mind with lust.

            But the Lord works in mysterious ways and so made the man I desired so much as attractive to the women of the church as he was to me.

            In small towns like this, eligible men like him were rare, so often as not, he was surrounded by young ladies and too busy to notice the effect he had on me.

            But the Lord was not through with me. The Lord forced  me into admitting my flaws, and provided a moment when this man and I stood alone in the church Ė the chatter of ladies mere echoes in the distance.

            At that moment, he told me how much he desired me Ė and I lost all control.

            And I confess to you, never had any man or woman made me feel as good as I felt at that moment.

            I did not fully understand how fractured my life was until I came together with that man to become whole.

            I fully believed at that moment that I had found joy in its purest form.

            And the community knew not the reason for it, but accepted my sudden passion as if a guiding light had struck me from above.

            But it was a false joy and a carnal pleasure that could never last the test of time.

            And this soon came clear to me when I saw the man I loved exchanging wanton glances with another man in my congregation.

            Joy gave way to despair and then to outrage.

            Surely in such a small place like ours, such things could not remain hidden from me, and he knew I knew, and laughed when I confronted him, asking how I could say anything to anyone after what I had done with him.

            It is not because he spurned me that I tell you all this now.

            It is not because I wish to hurt him as deeply as he hurt me.

            But having failed the Lordís test once, I vow to cast out all evil from my life and from my ministry, and it is for this reason, we need to uncover this filth and remove it before he Ė like Satan who he represents Ė ruins another life like mine.

            Praise be the Lord!



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