God, I love this place.
††††††††††† Sure, I know itís a rat trap.
††††††††††† But itís all mine.
††††††††††† When you grow up in a family with six kids you get to appreciate things like privacy and space.
††††††††††† When I first saw it, I mistook it for heaven.
††††††††††† It was just enough of a niche for me to feel comfortable.
††††††††††† Of course, half the reason I needed this was for Jane.
††††††††††† Itís hard to keep up a romance with both of us still living with our parents.
††††††††††† Someone always asks where youíre going and where youíve been.
††††††††††† In my house, some squirt of a little sister would stick her head into my bedroom exactly at the wrong time on the excuse of borrowing tooth paste or a Beatles album.
††††††††††† Once one even came in just as I got Janeís bra unsnapped.
††††††††††† Jane loves the place, too, enough to make her move in even though our relationship is already fraying.
††††††††††† I guess Iím late in making the move.
††††††††††† She wanted us to get a place of our own a year ago. But I got scared.
††††††††††† Something was going on inside of her and me that I didnít trust.
††††††††††† When we met she was still young enough not to know what she wanted.
††††††††††† And she let herself get swept up by my dreams.
††††††††††† She saw herself as my buddy, but eventually and predictably got bored.
††††††††††† She loves me just enough to put up a good front and continue the romance.
††††††††††† But I think she loves the apartment so much she is willing to put up with me in order to live in it.
††††††††††† I never met a girl who loved sagging floors and pealing paint the way she does.
††††††††††† Yet even here, she gets bored.
††††††††††† And I canít help but feel something fundamental is changing in her.
††††††††††† She keeps calling me ďDaddyĒ by mistake.
††††††††††† Then denies saying it.
††††††††††† We bicker all the time.
††††††††††† Sometimes, the place feels as crowded as my parentsí house was with all those kids.
††††††††††† I canít turn a corner without running into some unresolved issue with Jane, causing us to bicker again.
††††††††††† The fights come so often and are so bitter; Jane has decided to move out again.
††††††††††† Secretly Iím glad, thinking that the place will return to the uncomplicated place I saw when we first moved in.
††††††††††† Yet I know Jane has ruined the place for me and that I will wake up each morning and wander this place all day long taking note of all the things Jane has touched.
††††††††††† I know the only way Iíll be able to erase her image will be if I get drunk.
††††††††††† And once drunk, Iíll never be able to resist calling her and begging her to come back.
††††††††††† And I know what sheíll say before she slams the phone down.
††††††††††† I just donít want to hear it.