This contains the poem and the script written for the video. I used the poem for the sound track because Iím a terrible actor and couldnít handle the two character sketch.
Sailing along (The poem)
The engine didnít stop, it sputtered
The river never looked so rough.
I blamed Hank.
Heís the one who sold me on going sailing,
Saying girls loved sailors.
Heís the one who nudged me into the boat
When the girls didnít show up,
He figured weíd pick up more girls along the way.
I agreed because I didnít want to waste the money
Weíd put down on the boat rental
And I didnít like the leering look
The rental guy gave us.
He thought we were crazy
And I thought he was right.
The grandson of a boat builder,
I didnít have guts to admit how scared I was
I thought this boating thing would come to me
Once we got out on the water
The river grabbed us instead and
Idiot Hank thought it was funny
I told him to shut up and steer
While I went back to look over the motor
The boat had settled into a groove
I couldnít steer us out of without more power
Even the sea gulls thought us funny
Their mocking laughter make worse
By the jet skis that tried to swamp us
Hank said he was sea sick
I dared not tell him so was I.
I kept trying to remember what I saw
Grandpa do when he fixed motors
Some fishermen yelled at us to get a horse
Hank gave them the finger
I got hit with the beer bottle they threw.
Hank started singing some old Beatles song
About relaxing and floating down stream.
Then he asked where the river went.
I told him the ocean
He sighed and said
He always wanted to see Europe
Sailing along (the dialogue)
HANK: Hey, Kenny, the engineís stopped.
KENNY: No, it hasnít. But it doesnít sound good.
HANK: I donít like the look of the river either. Itís getting rough.
KENNY: This is all your fault, Hank.
HANK: How do you figure that?
KENNY: Youíre the one who said we ought to go sailing Ė that girls loved sailors.
HANK: I thought it was a good idea at the time. Youíre were always going on about your grandfather building boats and all.
KENNY: That doesnít mean I know how to run a boat.
HANK: The girls must have suspected something which explains why they didnít show up.
KENNY: But you made me get in the boat anyway. Why?
HANK: Why waste our money? We already put down the deposit.
KENNY: We could have asked for the deposit back.
HANK: From the dock guy? Didnít you see how he leered at us? He would have thrown us in the river if we asked for our money back.
KENNY: He thought we were crazy, and frankly, I agree with him.
HANK: Some son of a sailor you are if youíre afraid of a little water.
KENNY: Iím the grandson of a boat builder. And I thought this boating thing would come to me once we got out here.
HANK: But it didnít, did it?
KENNY: No. The river grabbed us the moment we pushed off. Now weíre set in a groove and unless we get the engine working, we might never get out.
HANK: Why donít you let me steer while you check the engine out?
KENNY: Okay, but donít steer us into anything.
HANK: Whatís to hit out here?
KENNY: Lots of things. Just watch. Meanwhile, Iíll try to remember what my grandfather did to get things running.
HANK: Hey, Kenny. Iím starting to get sea sick.
KENNY: As much as I hate to admit it, Hank, so am I.
HANK: Hey, those fishermen on that boat are shouting at us Ė only I canít make out what they are saying.
KENNY: Theyíre telling us to get a horse.
HANK: (shouts at the other boat and holds up his middle finger) Fuck you!
KENNY: Stop that! Theyíre throwing beer bottles and Iím the one thatís getting hit.
HANK: All right. Iíll sing: ďTurn
off your mind relax and float down-stream,
It is not dying, it is not dying.Ē
KENNY: Shut up, Hank. Iím in no mood to hear about dying right now.
HANK: But itís the Beatles.
KENNY: I donít care if its archangels.
HANK: Spoiled sport. Where does this river take us anyway?
KENNY: Eventually it goes out into the ocean
HANK: Thatís cool. I always wanted to go to Europe.