Sailing along
This contains the poem and the script written for the video. I used the poem for the sound track because I’m a terrible actor and couldn’t handle the two character sketch.
Sailing along (The poem)
The engine didn’t stop, it sputtered
The river never looked so rough.
I blamed Hank.
He’s the one who sold me on going sailing,
Saying girls loved sailors.
He’s the one who nudged me into the boat
When the girls didn’t show up,
He figured we’d pick up more girls along the way.
I agreed because I didn’t want to waste the money
We’d put down on the boat rental
And I didn’t like the leering look
The rental guy gave us.
He thought we were crazy
And I thought he was right.
The grandson of a boat builder,
I didn’t have guts to admit how scared I was
I thought this boating thing would come to me
Once we got out on the water
It didn’t.
The river grabbed us instead and
Idiot Hank thought it was funny
I told him to shut up and steer
While I went back to look over the motor
The boat had settled into a groove
I couldn’t steer us out of without more power
Even the sea gulls thought us funny
Their mocking laughter make worse
By the jet skis that tried to swamp us
Hank said he was sea sick
I dared not tell him so was I.
I kept trying to remember what I saw
Grandpa do when he fixed motors
Some fishermen yelled at us to get a horse
Hank gave them the finger
I got hit with the beer bottle they threw.
Hank started singing some old Beatles song
About relaxing and floating down stream.
Then he asked where the river went.
I told him the ocean
He sighed and said
He always wanted to see Europe
Sailing along (the dialogue)
HANK: Hey, Kenny, the engine’s stopped.
KENNY: No, it hasn’t. But it doesn’t sound good.
HANK: I don’t like the look of the river either. It’s getting rough.
KENNY: This is all your fault, Hank.
HANK: How do you figure that?
KENNY: You’re the one who said we ought to go sailing – that girls loved sailors.
HANK: I thought it was a good idea at the time. You’re were always going on about your grandfather building boats and all.
KENNY: That doesn’t mean I know how to run a boat.
HANK: The girls must have suspected something which explains why they didn’t show up.
KENNY: But you made me get in the boat anyway. Why?
HANK: Why waste our money? We already put down the deposit.
KENNY: We could have asked for the deposit back.
HANK: From the dock guy? Didn’t you see how he leered at us? He would have thrown us in the river if we asked for our money back.
KENNY: He thought we were crazy, and frankly, I agree with him.
HANK: Some son of a sailor you are if you’re afraid of a little water.
KENNY: I’m the grandson of a boat builder. And I thought this boating thing would come to me once we got out here.
HANK: But it didn’t, did it?
KENNY: No. The river grabbed us the moment we pushed off. Now we’re set in a groove and unless we get the engine working, we might never get out.
HANK: Why don’t you let me steer while you check the engine out?
KENNY: Okay, but don’t steer us into anything.
HANK: What’s to hit out here?
KENNY: Lots of things. Just watch. Meanwhile, I’ll try to remember what my grandfather did to get things running.
HANK: Hey, Kenny. I’m starting to get sea sick.
KENNY: As much as I hate to admit it, Hank, so am I.
HANK: Hey, those fishermen on that boat are shouting at us – only I can’t make out what they are saying.
KENNY: They’re telling us to get a horse.
HANK: (shouts at the other boat and holds up his middle finger) Fuck you!
KENNY: Stop that! They’re throwing beer bottles and I’m the one that’s getting hit.
HANK: All right. I’ll sing: “Turn
off your mind relax and float down-stream,
It is not dying, it is not dying.”
KENNY: Shut up, Hank. I’m in no mood to hear about dying right now.
HANK: But it’s the Beatles.
KENNY: I don’t care if its archangels.
HANK: Spoiled sport. Where does this river take us anyway?
KENNY: Eventually it goes out into the ocean
HANK: That’s cool. I always wanted to go to Europe.